David Triguiero's Idaho

No More Swats

            The paddle is long gone from American schools, but not forgotten; at least not in Idaho. Every time the subject of school discipline comes before the public self-styled traditionalists call for its return. Having matriculated at Weiser Junior High School during the age of the paddle, I have the experience to evaluate its effectiveness.

Holly Crosby taught boys physical education and health. He was one of those men who, on entering adolescence, liked it so much he determined to spend the rest of his days there. From the locker room to the fraternity house common room then back to the locker room as coach, life was a bawdy continuum of practical jokes, watching girls and snapping towels.

The symbol of the coach’s authority was a great oversized shoe sole of inch-thick leather. Only members of a select circle of athletes were ever hit with the fearsome looking paddle, however. Coach would say, “Drop your Jocks and grab your socks,” and the chosen one would strut to the front of the room bend over and take his punishment like a man then saunter back with a smirk on his face while the rest guffawed. (The Jockey shorts reference was included only for color and meter.)

To them, taking swats was an important rite of macho passage. As wielder of the paddle, Coach was assured a prominent place in the adolescent inner circle and, out of class, could be seen swaggering through the halls surrounded by quarterbacks, power forwards and starting pitchers. Together they kept order.

Those of us outside the fraternity of the paddle were kept in line through a number of humiliating punishments administered by Coach. His favorite was to draw a small circle on the blackboard just above nose level and then order the miscreant to stand on tiptoe and hold his nose there until told to withdraw.

This was particularly embarrassing for me because I had developed an ample spare tire that would not disappear until a growth spurt in high school suddenly stretched it out. Whenever I was pressed against the dusty blackboard several inches of bare midriff were usually exposed offering an inviting target for Coach’s peashooter or squirt gun.

Needless to say, I would have preferred a swat with the paddle, but, like all exclusive clubs, the fraternity of the paddle automatically excluded anyone who wanted to get in.

Amanda and Willie

Why do Europeans dislike Americans? For the same reason we don’t like them. Because we think they don’t like us.

Unless you are one of the few Americans who pay attention when traveling, this will come as a surprise. Yes, Europeans don’t like us very much and they know we don’t like them. They think we are ignorant, arrogant, and patronizing. In other words, they think about us in much the same way we think about them.

 But how could they? Aren’t we always nice to them even though they can’t speak English? Don’t we always leave big tips, even when they don’t serve hamburgers or steak and baked potatoes in their restaurants? Don’t they call us racists even though they are more racist than reddest redneck in Mississippi? They’re just a bunch of hypocrites.

Europeans would say the same about us and a recent show on ABC television news demonstrates why. When an Italian court convicted Amanda Knox of Seattle and her Italian boyfriend of murdering her English roommate, Diane Sawyer demanded to know if the trial was fair. The story’s lead-in had already said the direct evidence was scanty and went on to say the American had been convicted in the press before the trial began.

Indeed, the stories in the Italian quality press as well as the tabloids were salacious. The 20-year-old Knox was described as a slithering temptress who lured men into her chamber for drugs and kinky sex. It played on all the stereotypes of American women. The innocent English victim was allegedly killed for refusing to partake in the fun and games. This pretty much summed up the evidence submitted in court. Direct evidence consisted of a knife, found in Knox’s boyfriend’s apartment, with just enough blood left on the blade to match the victim’s DNA. Knox’s fingerprints were on the handle.

People are electrocuted in the U.S. on no more evidence than that. Knox and her boyfriend got 26 and 25 years in an Italian prison with comforts and privileges American prisoners can only dream about.

ABC News found an American writer for Vanity Fair named Judy Bachrach, who had lived in Italy for four-and-one-half years. She assured Diane Sawyer that Americans are discriminated against in Italy and to be charged with a crime is as good as being convicted. Italian courts give a nod their constitution’s assurance that the accused is innocent until proven guilty, she said, but ignore it in practice. Bachrach and Sawyer agreed that this rarely if ever happens in the United States.

There are, of course, thousands of men, mostly African-Americans and Hispanics, stuffed into America’s severely overcrowded prisons who would dispute that assumption by two rich white people nestled securely in their penthouse lair.

 As to conviction by the press, Dr. William Kennedy Smith might have something to say about that. About 25 years ago, he was accused of rape by a girl he had picked up in a bar near the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach, Florida. He was acquitted by a jury, but not by the press.  Both the legitimate and the tabloid press continued to publicize evidence so suspect that it was not permitted at the trial. This ultimately led to a lawsuit against Smith by another woman alleging sexual misconduct that was dismissed by a Chicago court as frivolous and completely without basis.